Difficult Conversations (Douglas Stone) Notes, Books, Culture, Relationships 14 May 2017. During difficult conversations, when the stakes and emotions are high, defensiveness in others, when responding, may derail all of your best intentions. It might sound counter-intuitive, but the best place to start a difficult … Difficult conversations Taking a strengths-based approach does not exclude the need to engage in difficult conversations. The hardest part is working up the courage to embark on such a nerve-wracking discussion. Start from the “third story.” If you do decide to raise a difficult issue, don’t lead in with your view or … It is a simple framework that you can use to plan and structure difficult conversations and feedback in a non-confrontational way. If they deny or justify the behavior, be patient and ask them to "look in the mirror." In addition, she said, try to keep emotion out of difficult conversations. I noticed that you didn't wash your hands when you entered the patient's room. First, let's look at why it's so important to have these conversations. Most of us try to avoid them altogether. 2 0 obj The CANDID approach offers a great solution. Having difficult conversations in the workplace can be hard. Expressing emotions openly is difficult for many of us. We tend indeed to … Opportunities for Growth. … conversation. Identity. The majority of the work in any conflict conversation is work you do on yourself. In Tough Conversations, Seek to Complete, Not Compete, Spinach in your Teeth Messages: The Art of Giving (and Receiving) Honest Feedback. Huron is the trading name of Pope Woodhead & Associates Ltd. We're starting the new year by moving to our new home. Offer a solution. The higher the stakes the more difficult it is to … Breathe, center, and continue to notice when you become off center–and choose to return again. Beth has shared this model with audiences across the country and talks about it in her popular Spinach in your Teeth webinar. About the COIN Conversation Model. A difficult conversation is any situation where the needs/wants, opinions or perceptions of the involved parties are diverse, with their feelings and emotions running strong. It's likely because we don't understand the seriousness of biting the bullet and having the conversation and don't have the skills to have these difficult conversations successfully. Huron is a global consultancy and not a CPA firm, and does not provide attest services, audits, or other engagements in accordance with standards established by the AICPA or auditing standards promulgated by the Public Company Accounting Oversight Board ("PCAOB"). Then use the DESK model: With proper training and skill building in the non-threatening Leadership Development Institute or team meeting environment, leaders and staff can successfully have difficult conversations using these models. S – State your concerns directly. All Rights Reserved. Focus On Creating Value. Using DESC to Make Your Difficult Conversations More Effective. By choosing the calm, centered state, you’ll help your opponent/partner to be more centered, too. It's time we focus on learning to listen. Usually the reason behind such strong feelings and emotions is that they have a lot at stake and they dread the consequences such as a … This is where your power lies. “Difficult Conversations” and to practice the skills it introduces key points Discuss the key takeaways from the lecture 10 mins personAl inventory Reflect on a difficult conversation you had recently 15 mins 3 5 prACtiCing skills In pairs, evaluate your performance against the seven steps of an effective conversation. Most everyone dreads the difficult, challenging conversation. If you go into the conversation telling the other person they are wrong and don’t listen to their perspective, it’s not going to turn out well. Then pause – thus the cup of coffee – and take a sip. If you manage people, work in Human Resources, or care about your friends at work, chances are good that one day you will need to hold a difficult conversation.Difficult conversations become necessary for a variety of reasons. Handling Difficult Conversations Guidance, Tips and Best Practices. Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most A High-Level Summary of the Book by Stone, Patton and Heen Office of Human Resources The Ohio State University 1590 N. High St. Suite 300 Columbus, OH 43201-2190 . Difficult conversations can become more difficult the longer you wait. The first difficult conversation model is the Impact Message developed by Studer Group and my colleague Beth Keane. The Authentic Communication model is more than a tool; it is a state of consciousness that helps people communicate honestly and openly. COIN stands for . Difficult Conversations: Authentic Communication Leads to Greater Understanding and Teamwork Martha Lasley Abstract This article offers a practical approach to facilitating difficult conversations. 2 Ingredients of Difficult Conversations Differing Perceptions It is unfair to the other person to drop horrible news or difficult feedback on them and then have to speed off to another conversation. The second model is "Cup of Coffee Conversations" which is based on research and curriculum developed by the Center for Patient and Professional Advocacy at Vanderbilt University. The point of the conversation is not to prove that you are right, but to understand each person’s perspective and resolve the situation (even if it means setting boundaries with the other person). This is part of Studer Group's highmiddlelow® evidence-based leadership tool and is designed for use with someone who persistently demonstrates inappropriate behavior that is inconsistent with policies, procedures, Standards or other work rules. stream You're not telling the person they are "bad"; you are merely relating what you experienced. Just like Apple co-founder Steve Jobs said, your job is not to be easy on people. One method for experiential training is to role play in triads with one person being the conversation initiator, one person is the individual you're having the conversation with, and the third person is an observer who provides feedback to the first two people. We need to practice active listening. Many organizations utilize this model and have made it their own, such as "Cup of Tea" or a "Glass of Pop/Soda" conversations. Speak in private and face-to-face whenever possible and use “I” language to voice your concerns, thoughts, and feelings about the situation. Master your stories - dealing with strong emotions. These are conversations in which negative information (bad news) must be delivered in a sensitive manner and strong emotions arise and need to be managed. Assertiveness means standing up for your personal rights - expressing thoughts, feelings and beliefs in … A Difficult Conversation Is Anything You Find It Hard to Talk About Sexuality, race, gender, politics, and religion come quickly to mind as difficult topics to discuss, and for many of us they are. Our challenge: the situation is more complex than either person alone can see. Some conversations are difficult because they threaten or challenge a person's sense of … Goal 1: Persuade the other(s) that I am right. That keeps the conversation focused on real-life situations and makes sure everyone is serious about the skill development. After a difficult conversation, it’s worthwhile to “reflect ex post” and consider what went well and what didn’t, says Manzoni. Determine the purpose of the conversation; approach for low performer conversations provides leaders with a guide to get through difficult conversations and cut right to the chase (Studer, 2004). Do Share Your Feelings. Strengths and Talents. The key is to learn about the models, practice them, and pick the appropriate model for the situation. %��������� One key to having a difficult conversation successfully is to be a good listener. Perhaps a manager and employee have clashed in the past, and now the discussion is about the worker’s subpar performance. There are four steps to this model: This model is ideal for a leader-to-employee conversation, a conversation between a team or committee chair and a member of the committee, or between colleagues. How do you handle having to face a difficult conversation? This doesn't live our values or standards and is concerning to me." This is probably a conversation you've had with this person before and performance hasn't improved. Although the model was originally developed for conversations with physicians, it is easily adapted to all employee groups and is a conversation that can be held with peers, employees, or even your boss. The SPEAK model is a helpful tool to navigate challenging conversations. Your job is to make them better. Start by telling them you value them as a colleague or appreciate their skills. Then rotate so everyone gets a chance to play each of the three roles. However, learning how to approach a difficult conversation is necessary regardless of your position at work. Context, Observation, Impact, and Next steps: Context: the circumstances, event or issue that you want to discuss. A fter the initial low performer conversation with the employee, the leader must follow up relentlessly. Use real scenarios that individuals in the LDI or team meeting have created. %PDF-1.3 For example: "Donna, let's go have a "cup of coffee." It doesn't matter if the conversation needs to occur with an employee, peer, boss, spouse or child; we all shy away from these critical communications. You’ll want to … Using his approach, you have one 15-minute conversation with each team member every month, based around the following themes: Climate Review. If you don’t have at least 30 minutes to have the conversation, it … In many cases, the individual will identify examples for themselves; it’s especially useful to encourage them to lead the conversation as much as possible when things have not gone to plan. Why? Start the conversation on a serious and professional note. Copyright © 2020 Studer Group. You can also build up anxiety that will make the situation bigger in your mind than it really is. In areas of achievement, however, it’s more powerful if you lead; emphasize behaviors that add particular value in areas of strength. But discom-fort and awkwardness are not limited to topics on the editorial page. To learn more about conducting difficult conversations, including guidelines, tracking logs and more, click here or visit the Tools tab at www.studergroup.com. Tip for Leaders The D.E.S.K. A difficult conversation is one whose primary subject matter is potentially contentious and/or sensitive and may elicit strong, complex emotions that can be hard to predict or control. Assumption 1: Each of us is bringing different information and perceptions to the situation. Huron is not a law firm; it does not offer, and is not authorized to provide, legal advice or counseling in any jurisdiction. We need to listen for the tone of an individual's voice in addition to their words and observe their body language. More about that in a minute. << /Length 1 0 R /Filter /FlateDecode >> Beth has shared this model with audiences across the country and talks about it in her popular Spinach in your Teeth webinar. Start With Your End Game. Now back to the difficult conversation models. Difficult conversations are anything we find hard to talk about with another person. At Studer Group®, we have three models for difficult conversations which are part of a leaders' toolkit. This is a conversation that occurs at the time you witness the behavior to make the individual aware that their behavior is not consistent with your standards. There are likely to be important things that each of us does not yet know. This is a conversation that typically a leader would hold with an employee on their unit or team. Difficult conversations can be uncomfortable, but with training and practice, you too can hold difficult conversations – successfully. Dr Tim Baker developed the Five Conversations Framework after finding that the traditional annual or bi-annual performance review has significant drawbacks. Minute 1: Make sure you have sufficient time to see the conversation through to the end. There are also times when it is important not to engage in a difficult conversation and let it go. x�ŝY�\�u���W䛯 "�~h\_�u[��MA/z)����ER,�~}gV�}N����dQ� \����iOk���ݿ���s��{�ۥZ�%�J������_vov�����^����\?=|������?L8|"���?O�v��x����?��v����۝�=~������=���?���ߘ�^ !�~����@�����O�px:T�x0�g���>�;�|G�?���8���eI�4�v�1���7��e���|��8bV#q����3i���jg�6Ǒ�q�X���M��܎�u{;~���udnf;R���n�L��qB��v���D�2��>��K��2�r�Ln�]X�4{:!�/Mx��w�Sm�op�S�۸)��I\��T�O��4r��U9�5�+�h�M��� )���-��/-aٹ�ᄔTaEK��=����V�V׆�6�qYF�u�L�pBjq�2޹ږs�lin�i��B�V�%�>��J��V���7�K�^ �ؐ�*8����0�L�-�`[N���a~��_��. Nothing is worse than delivering a critique and leaving it just at that. The typical reaction from the person is appreciation for bringing this to their attention. Studies show us that we spend 9% of our time writing; 15% reading; 35% talking and 40% listening. Now back to the difficult conversation models. No matter how well the conversation begins, you’ll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and your emotional energy. Difficult conversations are an unfortunate yet inevitable part of life. A "Cup of Coffee Conversation" is typically precipitated when you see or hear a colleague exhibiting behaviors that are contrary to your Standards of Performance or Behavior. “Difficult Conversations will be appreciated by readers who wish to improve oral communication in all aspects of their daily lives.” —Library Journal “Stone, Patton, and Heen illustrate their points with anecdotes, scripted conversations and familiar examples in a clear, easy-to-browse format.” The first difficult conversation model is the Impact Message developed by Studer Group and my colleague Beth Keane. 350 West Cedar Street, Suite 300, Pensacola, FL 32502. There are a number of reasons that make certain conversations difficult and an easy conversation can become a difficult conversation very quickly. Then let them know you heard or saw something that was uncharacteristic and not consistent with your Standards. Confrontation suggests meeting someone face-to-face with hostile intent. Do not begin the conversation with pleasantries. Goal 1: Explore each other’s stories, There are four steps to this model: Describe the behavior After spiders, snakes and public speaking, people seem most afraid of having difficult conversations. The third model is the Low Performer conversation. They're never easy to conduct and you risk causing workplace disharmony when you broach the subject with an employee. We attempt or avoid difficult conversations every day – whether dealing with an underperforming employee, disagreeing with a spouse, or negotiating with a client. The DESC response is a tool used to decrease defensiveness in an assertive manner. Fter the initial low performer conversation with each team member every month, around... Ll want to … Using DESC difficult conversations model Make your difficult conversations more.. 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